I don't know when I quit being a fighter.

Back when dagny was in Kindergarten, I was all political. I was fighting for dollars to be spent on public education, mainly Beaverton. I was part of the seed pod for her school, we met in kitchens, organized letter writing campaigns, licked stamps and wrote addresses by hand, organized the families to stand out front of the school holding signs, made cold calls to people in the district, etc. You name it.

And then I kinda quit fighting the fight.

And here we are years later, facing this recession and it is finally starting to hit Our School. Word on the street is we won't have Spanish next year. What is nice about Our School, and why many people choose to send their children there is, for middle school, our kids don't have to choose electives. They get them all. They get PE, they get Music ( they do have to choose between band and choir), they get art, they get Tech, and they get a language. They get it all. Until perhaps, this year. We may not have Spanish next year and this isn't fair. it isn't fair because somehow are Spanish teacher was on contract and contracts aren't being renewed. All of the red tape makes no sense to me, but somehow it isn't right. Luckily, we have a fabulous Squeaky Wheel and she is all up on our new principal. I saw her at the pool yesterday, told her the word on the street, and later that evening I was forwarded our Principal's reply to her letter stating that no, this is not an option. Our School isn't going to add "Study Hall" as an elective, because, please. C'mon, Study Hall? Oh, and if you want to know who voted which way on what measure in the House or Senate on any given day of the week., let me know. I can ask her and she will know :) I am glad SOMEONE is still fighting the fight. I hope our kids continue their Foreign Language Studies

This week Jack is off to Mac Camp and he is beyond excited. He has one day of Movie Camp and one day of Music Camp and you'd think he'd won the flipping lottery. He is chomping at the bit. He would make music and movies all day long if I'd let him. I have a feeling I will be fighting pretty hard for screen time when he gets home. Both dagny and I are working two days this week so we will have to coordinate driving.......I swore my kids would not get cars when they hit legal age, but I am starting to see the benefit of having your children be mobile. After all that is said and done, we are of to The Lodge for the night. How much money do those people spend on advertising? Jesus. Anyhoo, the kids have been BBBBBEEEEEEEGGGGGGIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG to go. Instead of begging, I told them " No one will let you go if you continue to beg....it sounds awful. Can't you come up with a Presentation on why you should go?" And the two of them were off. They created a three panel board complete with charts, graphs, statistics, etc. Jack put on his suit, Dagny put on A Dress! and they gave their spiel. They wowed the crowd and grandpa was won. I think the he was fianlly swayed when Dagny threw in "Pumpkin Pie" which was his name for her when she was little. So, we are off to The Lodge And yes, they serve cocktails......I already checked. Gramma and I will OK.


Looks like another day to be spent at the pool.....Off to pack our suits.

Yesterday we ended up having a pretty good Field Trip Thursday....Grandma took us to lunch at Sushihana where Jack really overdid himself on strawberries, shrimp and creme puffs. I will give him credit for trying many of the items, in addition to the dim sum he ate for lunch on Wednesday, the boy is at least trying, and that is all we ask.

After lunch we drove Dagny to the bank to deposit the $80 she has earned from baby sitting children and dogs. She has two gigs next week so she is excited to make mo' money. Then we headed to the THPRD nature park and hiked for an hour. I thought this might kill grandma, but despite her whining, she persevered. Good Job Gramms. After hiking we went to open swim where I swam for about 30 minutes, and then realized my children wanted nothing to do with me. I swam laps for a while, begged them to play with me, and then got out, rejected, and went and read my book. Whatever Jerks.

Today will be a quiet day.....The kids did their hour of swimming while Em and I walked a couple of miles. I will shower, pick up the house, and hit the nickle arcade. Tonight we are off to Alpenrose to watch our favorite little softball player whoop ass. Hopefully we won't be home too late so mah babies can get to bed at a decent hour.

Not sure what we will do this weekend. Jack has drums, Jen's party was moved to August so we have Sunday free.....maybe a hike in the Gorge is in order? The children leave next weekend so we need to soak up as much family-ness as we can get this weekend :)

Oh Good

Dagny is walking around with a bandana tied around her head pretending to be blind. This is a REALLY fun game. Jesus.

All is well at Chez Silly.....summer is flying by.

I made a master list of school supplies needed by my children for next year and Good God is it ever long. It is an entire length of a sheet of paper, and that is w/o any doubles. Many items they need 4 or 5 of, like glue, pencils etc. This year there are items such as copy paper. I know at the end of the year, we were out and the district wasn't buying anymore. Things were coming home with stuff on the back, teachers were using the paper twice. Amazing how thrifty we become when we have to. I was talking to a girlfriend yesterday and we were discussing whether or not we would continue to be as thrifty when recession is over, or will we go back to our wasteful ways. We shall see.

The kids have had a pretty uneventful summer so far, and that is OK with them. Maybe not uneventful, but a summer spent close to home. They are now both on swim team which meets three times a week. It has been extremely helpful in that it gets them up early so we haven't lost much of our routine. They are also so much happier getting hard exercise on a regular basis. They come out of there exhausted but calm. While they swim, my girlfriend and I walk a couple of miles, so it is a win win situation.

Jack is drumming his heart out. Both Brian and I are amazed at how far he has come in such a short time. And of course the neighbors are really, really excited about the drum set in the garage. I told one neighbor we got it to pay her back for the years of suffering we have endured through her boys in their teens and 20's. She thinks I am purdy funny.

The weather has been overcast lately which is really, really OK by me. I can not stand the heat and become extremely grumpy and pissed off when it gets over 80. Today is field trip day and I am not sure where we will head off to. I have had my trips planned in advance, but this week snuck up on me. I did this thinking I would be working 2-3 days a week, but I am only averaging about one, so we sort of go on field trips all the time. Not sure what today will hold.....

It's weird being at this point with my daughter.

She is rapidly changing before my eyes.

Rapidly. Quickly. Daily.

It feels slippery. Where is she going? Why can't I hold on to her? Where is that little girl going? Why can't I catch a grasp?

For years we have toddled, see-sawed, back and forth between little girl and big girl. The big girl was always balanced by the little girl. I saw glimmers of the the big girl, but the little girl was always there, comforting me, reassuring me that my baby was still safe at home. But the little girl isn't there anymore....I don't know where she went, and I miss her. I wish she would come back and play with me. I want to play Baby Bop and Lion King for minute or two.

This is the first time I have missed her. As we have transitioned through stages, I have welcomed the new with open arms. Whenever we see children of X, Y, or Z stage, my mother says to me "OH Silly, don't you miss that? Don't you miss having a newborn, toddler, preschooler, kindergartner?" and I say No. No I do not miss that. I stayed home and swallowed every single second and snuggle of both of my children's existence. I did not miss a beat, a milestone, a doctor's appointment, a gymnastics class, a shitty diaper. I was there for it all, loved it all, moved through it all just fine. I had a tough time went Dagny started 1st grade, and Jack graduated preschool, but other than those two moments, I have transitioned just fine.

Except now. And it isn't so much that I want the little girl back...it is that I am dreading what not lies ahead, but what I am actually wading through. I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with not only the emotional roller coaster of my own daughter, but the additional bullshit and weight from all her friends, peers, external influences. "They say" that middle school is "the worst", and perhaps it is. I don't know.

Yesterday I was watching her at life guarding class. it is a group of about 8. They were being taught the proper way to jump into the pool with the red float-y thing. Dagny was going first, she put the thing on, and did something wrong, like forgot to hold the strap or something, the teacher corrected her, and the girl behind her kind of giggled and made some attempt at a joke. Dagny slowly turned around and looked at her with a look I have never seen before......it said something along the lines of "What The Fuck Did You Just Say, You P.O.S. ?" . The girl instantly cowered, blushed, stammered, looked away. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.....the girl who was Sweet and Kind to Everyone. The girl who has been walked all over one day and willing to be best friends the next, the girl who would defend anyone else but could never stand up for herself, the girl who never wants to make anyone mad, or hurt anyone's feelings, that girl turned around and pretty much said you need to shut the fuck up right now.....or else.

And I couldn't decide if I was mortified, in disbelief, completely overjoyed that she had finally for the first time stood up to someone, or scared of her. OK, not actually scared from a mother's standpoint, but scared because if I was that girl, and all 5'10 inches of Dagny turned around and looked at me like that? I would have stfu asap. And not come back to class.



So that girl....that little girl.....the girl who came home sick from school because the other girls wouldn't let her play that day because she was wearing clogs, the same clogs she wore every day and got to play, but not today. Why momma? Why can't I play today? And we would talk about some people are mean, and we would pull out The Book ( her son is coming to RH's for middle school next year....I am so excited. I am such a stalker/fan....I hope I don't attack her at PTO) and we would read the book and I would be sad for my daughter and convinced she was going to end up a hunched over little sad sack of a girl who couldn't defend herself and I would call my friends and lament and cry about why? why Dagny Go-Go? Why can't she grow a pair? She is definitely not MY daughter. I would have bitch slapped those girls. But when I think about it, I didn't grow my pair until about high school. So I guess she has me beat.....again.


My bright spots.....

* She is an athlete. She plays ball for the High School in 6th grade. She is at camp this week and I watch her in there interacting with all of those girls, and she is no longer nervous, or ackward, or shy. She is realizing she is tall, she is realizing you can't teach tall. She is owning that height. Her role models are the high school girls, some of then have 6 inches on her, and those girls walk in big, and tall, and strong, and breathtakingly gorgeous. And she gets it.....she sees what she could be, she's getting it. She isn't the stand out.....she is what they are looking for. Just by being.

She started swimming again and I have forgotten how remarkable she moves in the water.....Being tall and growing quickly means having to constantly try to keep up with those arms, legs, hands and feet. Just when she manages to get down walking into a room without tripping, she grows another 2 inches and we start over. But being in the water where she isn't bogged down by gravity and size 10 feet , the girl glides like nobody's business. I forgot what it was like to watch her swim. She will start back up with swim team which is great except for the whole chlorine hair yuckiness.

* Her grades- She is no straight A student, but by God, she is determined. She is driven to do well. She wants good grades. By default, all of her girlfriends are smart, reaaallllly smart. This makes good grades very, very important in her peer group. She works very hard to get the grades she gets. She has good work ethic and excellent homework skills. How do I keep up the motivation? Not sure. but we will try.

* Her confidence. She might trip when she walks into that room, but by God, she stands right up, gives a great Ta-Da!, laughs and moves on. If we can maintain that confidence through sports, grades, peer relationships, we should be OK? Right? Right Universe? *tap tap tap* "Is this thing on?


I feel like we are actually in the making of a person....this is it. The next 4 years are crucial. Make mistakes, but not big ones, ones we learn from. Don't date That Guy. Date the one over here. Don't get drunk and pass out a party. Don't drive with that guy who is completely wasted. Don't send that email....the one that is going to get forwarded on. Please don't start sexting. Don't drop out of high school, and PLEASE don't get pregnant. Don't, Don't, Don't.......Just keep on doing what you are doing. Stay on this path.


Jesus this parenting shit is hard.

I am kissing goodbye my 4th and 6th grader.

Yesterday in Jack's class they went around to each student, and the other students gave appreciations. Jack's were.....he is really funny, he is an excellent/weird artist, and my favorite " You always know when Jack is absent because it's quiet.....no one is laughing."

Do you know how much I heart him?

end of year is near

We are getting ready to wrap up yet another school year. 7th and 5th grade is a few months away. I have vowed....VOWED that next year I will devote myself to Jack's classroom/school year like I did when Dagny was getting ready to head up to middle school, making sure I am at every party planning committee, helping/doing yearbook, every field trip, etc. I SUCK when it comes to playing fair with my two kids. Dagny gets the lion's share of attention, help, classes, tutoring, attention....you name it. This year I had lunch catered to the entire middle school staff for teacher appreciation week. At about 4:00, my friend called to ask how Jack liked his teacher's party. And my stomach dropped. Guess why? I didn't even think, for one tiny, eensy, weensy, SECOND about Jack's teacher. I didn't even pop my head in the door of his party, I didn't send a gift, a card, NOTHING. I completely forgot Jack even existed, much less had the most amazing teacher for a year. Jesus. I suck so bad, it isn't even funny. I will definitely make up for it with Mr. R's end of year gift.


Let's see, what else.....


We have a pretty easy summer lined up. Both kids will do Namanu for a week, and Jack's doing summer splash which meets at 8:00, yes I said 8:00 AM, three days a week. He could have taken it at the Beav. High pool later in the day, but he wanted to get his "work out in early" and he also wanted to stay in the comfort of his home pool. This is fine by me, I am up at 6:00 every day, and I just have to drop him off. I don't know if I will let him compete or not. At this point I just want to get his endurance up. He is also playing on a lacrosse scrimmage team once a week which he is most excited about. We will see how long that enthusiasm lasts. Dagny has a weekly babysitting gig, volleyball once a week and that's about it. We have a couple of trips planned with friends, and my mom and I will head to the coast at the end of August. We have a weekly picnic date set, where we will travel to various parks exploring our local habitat. I am excited to spend 2 1/2 months with ma' babies just taking it easy. SO, so nice to take it down a notch.

Field day yesterday was great. I have to say what strikes me most about RH's middle schoolers is how perfectly well behaved, and comfortable they are talking to and being around adults. I know many MS'er since my daughter is one, and my God, half of them think you are the stoopidest person on earth, the other half of them can't even look you in the eye. They are shifty, awkward, bored, etc. But having them maintain constant relationships with a huge number of adults in such a small setting where the adults really have a vested interest in them, speaks volumes. Every child I handed a Popsicle to said please and thank you. They even thanked us for coming and helping with field day. There are weird ones in that group, but even the weird ones don't have that depressed sadness about them that I see in alot of kids this age that don't fit in. It seems so obvious to me and I think, don't their parents see it?

We had a "debriefing" meeting after field day to discus what worked well this year, what do we need to work on for next year....we had an 8th grade parent come and share her perspective on what she would have done better, and what we can do to improve the school for next year. The fact that I am still so tightly connected to the children's school and community means the world to me. It really, really does. Some of our friends went on to our traditional middle school, as well as some of the other options schools in our district, and they all say the same thing.....middle school changes things. Middle school is different. Our middle school is separate from our elementary school, but it isn't really all that different. Which I just am loving. I am loving the Americana feel of this back to basic approach. I am loving my daughter acts 12, not 16. I am just so, so grateful for how well things are going because man, I have seen some pretty sad kids and families. *Knocks on wood*

Speaking of field day, Jack lost his field day, because he is an asshole. He made fun of another student, the student reported it, and he was given a referral. Apparently the Principal announced that anyone getting referral the week of field day would not be allowed to participate. I was completely irate, as I thought the punishment did not fit the crime, and I was pretty vocal about it. But whatevah, he did the crime, he did the time ( 2 hours in an 8th grade classroom....if that's not enough to bore/punish a 4th grader, I don't know what is) and then I bought him a yo-yo, cause that was the only prize he reaaaaallly wanted from field day. Damn if I am going to let him lose field day AND a yo-yo all in one day.

OK..... off to work I go. It is a beautiful sunny day which means I will most likely get killed today at work, as everyone wants to sit outside. Wish me luck.

4 day weekends

are really really good.

I had to work yesterday so my mom took Jack for the night and he spent the day with grammie which he always adores. Any chance he can get to be an only child, he grabs it. She took him swimming and then over to her girlfriend's house to look at/talk about skateboards. Next thing I knew, Jack shows up at my work with a tricked out $165 bad boy from here and now he is a skating all over the place.

We went to the T's house last night and enjoyed hanging out in the backyard while the kids bounced on the trampoline and ran wild around their house. I initially was not going to go as I could feel this horrible pain in my chest which I knew was the beginning of something awful, and sure enough, I woke up today sounding like a 2 pack a day smoker with the cough to match. And this shit hurts. I have managed to get up, make breakfast, clean the kitchen, and now I am back in bed, trying not to move because every time I do, I cough, and the cough? the cough burns.

Off to play pogo.....

All finished

Time for a curtain call.

We wrapped up the show yesterday at 10:00 am after giving a brief viewing for the school. They did the bar scene, Be Our Guest, Beauty and the Beast and one or two others....apparently some of the younger kids were crying, we didn't think that through too well. After Friday's performance all the kids' headed to DQ which is the tradition. I didn't go, Dagny went with a group of friends and I met my family for dinner. After Saturday's performance all the kids went to Isabel's for the cast party . Again, I didn't go. She said I was welcome to stay and I know she meant it, but I also know she likes hanging out with her friends without her pesky mother hanging around. Many of the kids, my daughter included, are pretty depressed the show is over. The spent 10 weeks together bonding and working their tails off to make this show work. To see it all come to an end saddens them, especially the 8th graders who know this is their final production at RH's. Saturday a large group of last year's 8th grade class all came together to watch the show. It was so sweet seeing them all come back and support the school, the kids, high five them. I remember leaving middle school a bit jaded and "glad to be gone", kids don't feel that way about this school. This incredibly wonderful fabulous school.

Here are some photos of her in rehearsal. I can't show you the real ones because apparently Disney will hunt me down and kill me....






We went to Dagny's voice recital on Sunday. As I looked over the program, I noticed "Beauty and the Beast" was not on the list. I asked her why and she told me " I didn't submit it". I wanted to shout at her "THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN A CHURCH ON A BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY 75 DEGREE AFTERNOON WHERE I AM ABOUT TO SUFFER THROUGH AN HOUR OF PIANO PLAYING AND OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN SINGING FOR????" But I didn't, cause I am good like that. Instead I asked her how come and she said " I don't EVER want to sing that song again".

Dagny got the email requesting her presence on the 6/7th grade basketball summer team, which is an honor. She is not thrilled however. I have tried to explain to her that just because she is sad the play is over, doesn't mean she can be "mad at basketball". What's weird is, she is now the 7th, in the 6/7 th grade team......I looked at the list of 10 girls trying to figure out who the 7th graders were and was stumped when I couldn't find any. Then it dawned on my dumb ass....I have a 7th grader this summer. W.T.F?


Maybe I should rename this blog " All About Dagny"

Mother's Day 09

I just went back and read the past four years worth of Mother's Day entries. It reminded me of why I started blogging in the first place. OMG, my children are so funny.

It is now around 11:00 am and I am still in bed. I have gotten up long enough to take a hot bath and wash my hair. And then I climbed right back into bed. The kids on the other hand have been BU-SY. They have gone grocery shopping for dinner tonight, started the bread pudding with daddy, arranged my flowers and picked up the house. Now one is outside shooting hoops ( guess which one) and the other is playing something on the Wii ( again, go ahead and guess which one)

We have had a very busy weekend so today is a day of rest which is nice. Friday night we had our first, oh how do I phrase it? Our first sort of "run in with staying out too late and not being able to track dagny down" night. And my husband? My husband lost his shit. The party ended at 8:30 which would have her back home around 8:45, 9:00 at the very latest. Around 10:30 she pulls in and OMG, I thought my husband was going to have a coronary. It was all due to a lack of communication, she was fine, the dad who picked her them up took them to ice cream etc. But OMG that hour was one of the longest I have experienced in a long time. It gave me just a glimmer of what could be to come, and a large view of the monster my husband could potentially become.....not pretty.

Yesterday Dagny had rehearsal from 9-12, then rehearsal for her voice recital from 2-4, she had a hair appointment in NW at 5 and then my mom took her out to dinner. So once again, she was gone from 8:00 until 8:00 and once again we spent the day dagny-less. Next week rehearsals are after school from 3-7. I am hoping to get to see her sometime in the middle of May.

The year is winding down and summer is gearing up. I have enrolled the kids in a few classes/camps, and they will spend another week at Namanu which both can hardly wait for. We didn't sign up for the pool this year for the first time in 6 years. We didn't use it last year and it was a big waste of $350. This year we will get passes to the RP pool and the WIlson pool and spend time between those two locations. Jack really wants to try water polo so may give that a shot over the summer to see if her likes it. Having a flexible work schedule is so nice :)

This week I am off on a field trip with Jack's class to the Oregon Historical Museum which believe it or not, I have never been to....should be interesting . Oh, and we get to take Tri-Met for or transportation. I hope I don't lose anyone.

Tonight....

I said goodbye to my youngest cousin. He is shipping off to Iraq.

There are two male offspring in our entire clan, Alex and Jack. Now one is off to war. W.T.F.