watchya watchya watchya want?

So hello NO ONE !!!!

Damn, it's been a while.

I made da blog private cause alot of people were reading it, which I didn't care, but I did cause it felt a little creepy, specially the ones that were reading without telling me. I mean I don't care if you read, but if you know me IRL, wouldn't you like, say something? Otherwise it's kinda like spying. No?

So we're back, and while I am not announcing it, if you figure it out, great. If not, that's ok too.

Spring Break round these parts. Jack has a week of golf camp and is enjoying that. Dagny's doing a whole lot of sitting on her butt eating Doritos and enjoying that as well. Which is find because the girl go-go-go's a and a week off is just what the doctor ordered. She has been invited to the beach, to Eugene, to a sleepover and said no to all of them. SHe just wants to sleep, eat, and play wii. Right now Grandma the Great has them at that Witch Mountain movie so they aren't sitting around bored all week. I think she took them to lunch as well after camp. SHe is a rockstar that gramma.

My dream last night. UGH. I hate having them. I have had them about Jack pretty much since he was born, and it makes me completely over-parent him and protective to the point of being a little crazy. Jack can not do half the stuff I would let Dagny to at the age of 10, I am psychotic. But the dreams, the dreams are so awful, and real and I wake up and I don't ever want to fall asleep again. I hurt all over and I think to myself if that ever happens, I would have to kill myself because I couldn't stand the pain. I just couldn't.

Ramble ramble, aren't you glad I am back.

these dreams I have about Jack are awful. They are always about Jack, never about Dagny which scares me so bad. Last night's was he was about to murdered, I was somehow there, but not. The guy was calling either brian or me and telling us what he was about to do, and I could hear myself or Brian begging, pleading to no please don't. And then I was somehow there with Jack, telling him it was going to be ok, it was going to be like dreaming all of the time but never waking up, and his face was so contorted and sobbing and saying "please mama, no mama" and then I zipped him up into a suit case while he was sobbing and pleading with me, and then I woke up, and now I am crying, and sobbing, because the pain I feel is so overwhelming and I don't know if something like that happened how I would continue to live. How do people do that? How do they come through that?

The blog is back.